tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35346546610926165752012-01-12T17:41:17.044-08:00Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.comBlogger2921100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-49609394866834999592011-12-31T23:49:00.000-08:002011-12-31T23:49:24.273-08:00

I'm having a totally quiet, totally unexciting New Year's Eve--I'm alone and kidless at home--but the last month has been so hectic and busy that quiet and uneventful are totally A-OK with me. I've got wine, I have my iPod playing, and I can sleep in as long as I want tomorrow. Happy New Year to ME! There's plenty I could write…but since I took this past week off from everything I could, I'm

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-32132169887667250722011-12-06T22:27:00.000-08:002011-12-06T22:27:19.147-08:00

Eight years ago, today looked a lot more like this: (Sorry for the totally sucky photo above. I was feeling too angsty and lazy to actually scan it, so I took a photo of the print with my cell phone. L.A.M.E…but easier.) Eight years ago. Our rehearsal for our wedding, followed by the rehearsal dinner at our home. Eight years now since I got married. Seven years now since I got to

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-78269166563036604772011-11-02T10:09:00.000-07:002011-11-02T10:10:56.476-07:00

I know I'm always curious what my blogger friends look like and do in "real" life. Sure, I tend to post a lot of photos online myself (although they're almost always just Anna), but not all bloggers do…and my widowed friend Stacey--a.k.a., Snickollet to most of you--doesn't have photos on her blog too often. But she asked me to take photos of her and the twins this summer, and their session is

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-82861777121969978252011-10-20T08:55:00.000-07:002011-10-20T09:31:20.044-07:00

I hate having dreams about Charley. Maybe I'd feel differently if I had good dreams about Charley--sweet, warm, lovely ones…or even nonsensical but mundane ones. But no. I seem to only have bad dreams about him. It's not a new trend. In fact, I can only remember a few dreams--one or two? maybe three?--that I've had of him over the last six years that weren't awful. Perhaps I'm simply forgetting

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-27177001188561064362011-10-18T10:27:00.000-07:002011-10-18T10:27:01.781-07:00

It's hard to believe, but in four more days, I'll have been at my so-called "new" job for two months. Anna's been in school now for six weeks. My thirty-fourth birthday was over a week ago, and it's already mid-October. Time is flying by. Mercifully, things are generally uneventful for us. We've been staying busy--or at least we're rarely home on the weekends, it seems, our weekend social

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-29033673238403870262011-09-14T08:00:00.000-07:002011-09-14T08:47:29.040-07:00

I have a few minutes before starting work (and my coffee hasn't kicked in yet so there's little point in starting to work early ;o)), and as I mentioned yesterday in my post, here are the pictures from Anna's first day of first grade last week. We've been in school one week and one day now, as of today. Hooray! It's 6:45 am, you first grader, you! Wakey-wakey!! (Alternate title: That's one tired

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-76186422052740279542011-09-13T18:45:00.000-07:002011-09-13T18:45:52.768-07:00

I've meant to get on here several times in the last few weeks--to post pictures from Anna's first day of first grade or else her seventh birthday, if nothing else--but it didn't happen. I don't know if it's because I've been busy or if the jumble in my head was too, well, jumbled to write about, but it hadn't come out. But it certainly could or should have…. A friend asked me earlier this week--

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-45116162131416296852011-08-29T20:09:00.000-07:002011-08-29T20:09:07.353-07:00

I posted some photos from our vacation to Southern California in the last post, but for no real reason, here are some more from this summer. After a summer with lots of swimming and lots of chlorinated pools--two 2-week sessions of swim lessons in late June and late July, plus daily swimming while at our cousins' house in Anaheim and other swim outings--Anna's hair is (was) driving me totally

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-90697780873681351642011-08-18T17:28:00.000-07:002011-08-18T17:28:13.641-07:00

After going to Camp Widow--the national widowhood conference run by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation (SSLF)--for the past three years, I should know to expect a bit of a letdown, a post-Camp low, after I return home. Yet somehow I was still surprised when I felt it yesterday afternoon, less than a full day after returning home. I went to the first conference two years ago, in 2009. Mostly I

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-2202393686932172972011-08-07T13:53:00.000-07:002011-08-08T01:55:37.106-07:00

As I've said numerous times before in the last year or two, Anna rarely says much about her dad--or at least very little that might be categorized as "grief" over his death or any questions. Unlike shortly after she turned four, she doesn't seem to be doing a lot of processing over death, his absence, or what it all means. But every now and then she still surprises me with what comes out of her

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-57753606678875179822011-07-12T11:41:00.000-07:002011-07-12T11:41:53.145-07:00

(A warning ahead of time to family: You might not want to read this one. I didn't know I was going to write what I did…but out it came. So stop reading about halfway through….) July 12, 2011…. Six years since Charley was here with us. Sigh. I'm not really sure how I feel about today. (Then again, I've been awake and out of bed for less than an hour.) But after getting up, making coffee, and

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-21239088358801396182011-06-20T15:46:00.000-07:002011-06-20T19:49:14.757-07:00

…is a depressingly busy place on Father's Day. That was my overriding thought late yesterday afternoon, on Father's Day. I'd asked Anna earlier in the weekend if she wanted to take flowers to the cemetery on Father's Day. We don't go there very often (we/I haven't been there since the fifth death anniversary last summer, I think), but Anna is usually pretty enthusiastic about taking flowers--

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-65362858671752389682011-06-15T15:23:00.000-07:002011-06-15T15:23:37.215-07:00

We made it. For six blissful days now, we've been out of school. And for four of those, Anna's been at my parents' house, enjoying playdates with various cousins and begging to stay yet another night for the last few days. (In theory she's coming home late tonight after I have support group and dinner with my widda friends, but we'll see; it might be tomorrow morning otherwise.) I haven't done

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-19539048803238270662011-05-31T15:09:00.000-07:002011-05-31T15:17:49.460-07:00

I've had a number of things needing to find their way out in a blog post…but every time I sat down to write (or else thought about writing one), I emotionally shied away from it. I actually started writing this morning while Anna was at school, but of course ran out of time before having to go pick her up. I resumed writing after we got home and ate lunch, but what I wrote after school went off

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-7869725542339075432011-05-31T09:29:00.001-07:002011-05-31T15:18:17.440-07:00

Anna's at school at the moment--I have another glorious hour left until I have to leave to get her--and I was being a total lazy-ass this morning, doing nothing in particular (and nothing I should have been doing) and perusing Pinterest and Facebook instead of being productive. I felt a bit guilty that I wasn't getting to the things on my to-do list--editing the photos from a mini "event" shoot

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-15531851185436648352011-05-20T09:33:00.000-07:002011-05-20T10:51:49.562-07:00

I first wrote this post over 2 months ago, right at the beginning of March…but for several reasons, I chose not to post it at the time. It was too emotionally loaded for me then, and even though I'm pretty sure none of my immediate family reads my blog, I didn't want to post anything potentially upsetting for them. But now it's 2 1/2 months later and the emotional purge from writing it (and the

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-72903830739581043982011-05-18T09:11:00.000-07:002011-05-18T09:14:09.513-07:00

Anna's kindergarten class is doing Show & Tell this month, as part of their public speaking requirement (or something like that) for each grade level. And like a good, diligent mom for once, I made sure that Anna practiced her mini-speech several times yesterday (and three times this morning for good measure) so she'd be ready for her turn this morning. I took video of Anna a ton in the first

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-88850939699989394902011-05-15T11:55:00.000-07:002011-05-15T12:03:27.555-07:00

Camp Widow--the annual conference for widows and widowers of all ages, sponsored and run by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation--is coming up in three short months. If you've never heard of Camp Widow, it's a fabulous, weekend-long conference escape in beautiful, downtown San Diego. I've attended it the past two years (you can read my prior posts about it here, here, and here) and I can't sing

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-42595416225275643672011-05-08T14:47:00.000-07:002011-05-08T14:47:01.898-07:00

I don't remember if I mentioned it on here two weeks ago, but my recently widowed college friend asked me to photograph her husband's funeral two weeks ago. I wish I'd never had a reason to pay this particular debt forward, but at the same time, there wasn't anything I'd rather do more for my friend. If you want to see how some of the photos turned out, they're up on my Facebook fan page and on

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-29632558586559955722011-05-07T15:24:00.000-07:002011-05-07T16:38:56.472-07:00

I'm enjoying a rare kidless day--Anna spent the night at Grandma's last night so I could go get drinks with a girlfriend last night (on a Friday night!? huh?!?)--and as I sat at my computer desk about an hour or two ago, working in Photoshop on some things for my photography business, my doorbell rang. Great. Figures someone comes to the door when I'm still wearing my pajamas at 1:30 in the

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-19444610618334355622011-04-26T10:22:00.000-07:002011-04-26T10:22:34.998-07:00

I was going to update a page on my blog here just now, but I happened to notice the "Stats" tab at the top of the Blogger dashboard and I got distracted for a moment. I've never clicked on it before--after three years of writing on here, it no longer really matters to me who reads or how many hits I get; I write for me, for my own benefit, and nothing else--but I clicked on it out of curiosity.

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-30463480247254888272011-04-24T23:17:00.000-07:002011-04-25T04:11:16.638-07:00

Like a lot of his faithful blog readers over the past three years, I spent parts of the last few nights reading Matt Logelin's newly published memoir, Two Kisses for Maddy. And aside from celebrating that his book made it onto the New York Times best-sellers list and enjoying reading the words that a friend of mine has written about a tragic experience that we both share, I found myself

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-73964671755472696982011-04-17T23:01:00.000-07:002011-04-17T23:01:44.354-07:00

...Not to you readers here…but to the 330-odd "friends" I have on Facebook. I posted a ton of pictures today…probably a good half of them ones of Charley, our life together--or of his funeral. Rather loaded pictures for the usual Facebook mentality, seeing as he's dead, after all…particularly when I'm uploading them to an album titled, "My Former Life." I created this album well over two and a

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-33358819176668995952011-04-13T08:18:00.000-07:002011-04-13T10:39:47.891-07:00

It only took a little over 5 1/2 years. Five years and nine months (to the day, actually) until someone I know personally--a good friend of mine from college and one of the nicest, kindest, sunniest people I've ever met--became a widow too. She's my age. Thirty-three. We've been friends for over 15 years, and her husband was only 34. And that is way too fucking young for someone to die. This

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-21122957309084675492011-03-31T05:55:00.001-07:002011-03-31T05:57:10.560-07:00

In my bedroom there is a bookshelf. On this bookshelf is a box. A wicker box. Or a woven box. Or something. I don't know what exactly it is (nor do I care). I bought it at Crate and Barrel four years ago when I was decorating my brand-new bedroom in our house in Sandy. And aside from its aesthetics (which I like a lot), its 18x10x11-inch dimensions contain some of the most important things

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-9585635712798679212011-03-20T15:10:00.000-07:002011-03-23T20:59:21.906-07:00

"What are you doing, Mom? I thought you were putting your computer away so we can go!" Anna and I are getting ready to make a short trip to southern Oregon, since it's spring break and we haven't been down there since Labor Day weekend last September. In true lackadaisical/procrastinator's fashion, I originally intended to leave yesterday afternoon after Anna got done with a friend's birthday

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-3453358485626307882011-03-16T14:02:00.000-07:002011-03-16T14:02:41.317-07:00

I first wrote and posted this entry on my other, just-for-fun blog a few minutes ago. (Didn't know I even had that blog? Yeah, I didn't really remember much either, since I hadn't written anything on it much in the last 2 years. So you definitely weren't missing anything.) But in case any of you CCW readers did keep an eye on it at one time, I wanted to publish this post here too, edited a bit

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-20513958024573751882011-03-07T10:27:00.000-08:002011-03-07T14:58:28.967-08:00

I have very few things that Charley wrote to me over the years. He wasn't a writer, didn't write mushy things in cards or letters, and we didn't email each other much once we got back together when I was 25. But back in the first phase of our relationship, from 1994 to 1997--before the advent of cell phones and free long-distance phone calls and always-on Internet connections--we actually wrote

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-31058154180027786842011-03-04T09:28:00.000-08:002011-03-04T09:28:50.619-08:00

I wrote this note on the morning of Charley's and my seventh wedding anniversary, on December 7. Even though I was hesitant to say anything on my personal Facebook account about the date--I mean, hell, it'd been five years since he'd died, and I felt a bit like a broken record, posting something (whether a picture or status update) on each death anniversary, his birthday, or our wedding

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-91068197351384883742011-01-27T16:49:00.000-08:002011-01-27T16:54:49.288-08:00

I first intended to write about something else--not because grief is compelling me to say it, but because I realized I was hijacking a fellow widowed friend's blog comment with content that was better suited to a blog post here--but as I started to write, the need to summarize and document last month insisted that it got first billing. Harrumph. But I hate to delete anything I wrote, and I always

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-54783198544231587092010-12-22T13:48:00.000-08:002010-12-22T13:52:20.974-08:00

It's been well over a month since I last wrote anything on here. The short version: We're here. We're fine. Just been busy and doing other things, and had nothing to say. But. Yesterday was what should have been Charley's 34th birthday, and two weeks ago was our seventh wedding anniversary. Christmas is only three days away, and Thanksgiving was only a month ago. I got a short-term tech

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-85448831456443314712010-11-13T08:45:00.000-08:002011-01-28T14:28:46.377-08:00

...A sentiment that isn't new to many of you who read this blog, who've had a spouse, parent, sibling, child, or friend die of this horrible disease. But I just got news this morning from a good college friend of mine that her mother-in-law--who'd been diagnosed with breast cancer only a month ago--died very suddenly and unexpectedly late this week from breathing complications. To make it worse,

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-71845781869046864862010-10-20T06:09:00.000-07:002010-10-20T06:09:56.365-07:00

...who needs a bodyguard? Write on a blog with any real content long enough--with real sentiments, soul-baring honesty, and really tough subject matter--it's inevitable that you end up with a few haters. A few nasty comments. Flame-wars in your comment inbox. And if you're particularly popular and widely read or if you have a particularly divergent personality or writing style, you're even more

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-54164988709590095892010-10-02T09:52:00.000-07:002010-10-02T09:52:50.931-07:00

I'm sure those of us who are widowed or who've experienced a horrible loss--regardless of whether it's death, an affair, a life-threatingly ill child, or any other number of tragedies--have heard this line so many times: I can't even imagine....Or its closely related cousins: You're so strong.* I don't know how you do it. You're handling it so better than I think I would.** If anyone can get

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-38573677442501973962010-09-29T23:22:00.000-07:002010-09-30T01:46:05.457-07:00

Once upon a time, there were two rings. One mine, one his, they sat upon our fingers from the moment we did this: Until the day I had to do this: The day I had to go into the funeral home, say goodbye to my husband of only 19 months for the last time, and have our daughter say goodbye to her daddy--a man she'd never remember alive on her own. I hadn't seen him in the two days since

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-64461944060025222132010-09-15T10:46:00.000-07:002010-09-15T10:46:31.344-07:00

A week into school now, we've settled into the routine more easily and faithfully than I would have ever thought. Anna's 8:00 pm bedtime (and its accompanying prerequisite of an earlier dinner) are a welcome change requirement to our days, and the alarm going off at 6:30 hasn't been quite as painful as I expected. Somehow we've settled into a groove in the mornings that Anna doesn't fight and,

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-82030173137279612662010-09-09T13:33:00.000-07:002010-09-09T13:33:08.205-07:00

Success! We made it! First day of kindergarten over and done! Hooray! I'm in a bit of a stoned, rummy stupor at the moment--of course I ended up getting a crappy night's sleep, because I was subconsciously paranoid I'd miss the alarm--but we made it through Anna's first morning of kindergarten unscathed. =) And miraculously, we were able to continue the timely groove we were in last night 

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-10278792721328343202010-09-08T23:15:00.000-07:002010-09-09T00:44:10.456-07:00

Tomorrow is a day I've been looking forward to revering dreading thinking about for five long years. Anna starts kindergarten at 7:45 tomorrow morning. Ever since I found out I was being laid off from my job four days before I was to return from my 7-month personal leave after Charley died, I've been thinking of this day. Using it as my measuring stick and benchmark for many things: I'll stay

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-70290454410389819192010-09-08T21:14:00.000-07:002010-09-09T00:32:04.550-07:00

This series of two entries about kindergarten was written a bit schizophrenically. I first started writing the intro bit in my other post tonight, but I added a bunch of filler because I was trying to write myself out of thinking, processing, and reacting. And then I decided the filler fluff--i.e., this post here--wasn't really necessary...but since I'd already written it, didn't want to delete/

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-72286774774883932812010-09-04T10:43:00.000-07:002010-09-04T10:43:07.150-07:00

Happy sixth birthday, to my wonderful little Anna Girl! Love you, love you!

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-84224934483819551782010-08-29T13:52:00.000-07:002010-09-04T10:44:12.719-07:00

Yes, I'm still here. We were gone for two weeks the beginning of August, for a whirlwind vacation to Southern California where I attended Camp Widow and then Anna, Charley's mom, and I (and much of Charley's extended family) visited thoroughly exhausted ourselves with four looooooooooong days at Disneyland, another one at the San Diego Wild Animal Park, and then a few days to relax with Judy's

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-4674962454594794962010-08-14T12:51:00.000-07:002010-08-20T00:11:48.176-07:00

Edited on 8/19: I updated this post with some more links and blog posts I came across (or more accurately, that Supa linked to in her blog post). And if you felt you were in a severe minority who didn't get everything you'd hoped for out of Camp Widow, know that there are others who didn't find Camp as glorious as many did. See some of the bottom links below.I attended Camp Widow again last

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-11781909776377728462010-08-04T12:55:00.000-07:002010-08-04T12:55:56.500-07:00

...that I mentioned at the end of my last blog post has now been captured for posterity: She was very excited this morning when she discovered that the Tooth Fairy had finally come (now that she was home and not at Grandma's), and her 8 shiny quarters immediately went into her piggy bank. But until she proudly showed me her lost tooth when she got home last night, somehow I'd forgotten how

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-12143512904539861532010-08-02T23:47:00.000-07:002010-08-02T23:52:10.546-07:00

At a month before her sixth birthday, Anna's never really had any sort of traditional grief over her father's death. Questions and trying to understand what "dead" really means, sure...but she's never really had any emotional reaction to Charley's death.  Two years ago or so she'd parrot back what she'd heard me say to her: I miss my daddy, He loved me so much, He'd be so proud of me, etc., etc.,

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-5964687170926617602010-07-28T07:55:00.000-07:002010-07-28T07:55:13.546-07:00

Warning: This post is on the long side. Also, some of the pictures or the content might be too much or a bit too intense for some people. Don't say I didn't warn you.... I've written on this blog for over two years now, and I realize I've never actually described what happened that night five years ago, or how he died. Yes, sure, I've written snippets about what happened in earlier posts (like

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-86269756748004023892010-07-17T00:00:00.000-07:002011-06-20T15:47:50.061-07:00

I don't go to the cemetery very often anymore. A regular, biweekly (or sometimes weekly) attendee that first year of widowhood, I don't think I've been there since...um...maybe the last death anniversary? (Okay, that statement isn't entirely true. I did go back to the cemetery once or twice last fall, with my new camera in hand, but I didn't actually go there to "visit" Charley or to sit and talk

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-48647257288346395322010-07-12T11:31:00.000-07:002010-07-13T14:02:02.088-07:00

Five years ago today, an amazing man, father, and husband left this world. Thinking of you today, Charley, and remembering, and missing--and celebrating our little girl and smiling too. We miss you. Clockwise, from upper left: The inscription on Charley's niche at the cemetery. Charley in a weekly circuit race at Mt. Tabor Park, about 2 weeks before he died. Late June 2005. One of the last

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-21982150438234861192010-07-10T13:34:00.000-07:002010-07-10T13:34:25.138-07:00

Yes, I know. There are only two more days until the fifth anniversary of Charley's death. Time is going quickly this summer...and I still don't mind. A few years ago I would have been waiting for the other shoe to drop, expecting a potential gush of grief to well up as I closed in on the infamous date. But so far, it hasn't really happened. I make no blanket statements that something won't come

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-73221725881418390952010-07-10T13:26:00.000-07:002010-07-10T13:31:10.628-07:00

...I've been adding a ton of pictures to my other blog (which I renamed for no serious reason...but the URL is the same as always): http://candiwam.blogspot.com/I haven't had a ton to say here on Crash Course Widow lately but I had a bunch of photos to share from the last few months (or longer)...so I put them up over there. Check 'em out if you want! Or you can always hit my Flickr photostream

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-73110443483892626452010-07-01T13:44:00.000-07:002010-07-01T13:49:18.444-07:00

I was little surprised on Monday to realize that it's already the end of June. But moreover, I was surprised, too, because it meant that the fifth anniversary of Charley's death was only a mere two weeks away. Wasn't it just the beginning of June? I wondered, mildly bewildered. How on earth can it already be only two weeks away? And then Star emailed me this morning, just to say she was thinking

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-35080815022900095812010-06-20T16:04:00.000-07:002010-06-20T16:05:08.097-07:00

Since Anna was in preschool until June 11 this year--only a week shy of Father's Day weekend--we got a taste of something for the first time this year: Having to be in school around Father's Day.For me, Father's Day has never really been a grief trigger...unlike a lot of widows and widowers I know. Mother's Day is the harder holiday for me, and our Father's Days these past five years have been

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-85246666199510333872010-06-05T11:01:00.000-07:002010-06-05T11:01:00.568-07:00

It took me a week or more longer than I really hoped it would, but I finally finished Anna's photo album of her dad late Thursday night and gave it to her yesterday afternoon. And I take back what I said two weeks ago: as I flipped through the photo album, with all its pages of Charley staring out at me, smiling at me, holding our daughter, it was enough. More than enough. The lump that stuck in

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-27182739299842264202010-06-05T01:28:00.000-07:002010-06-05T01:28:06.632-07:00

BTW: I had two different posts that I started tonight after putting Anna to bed, with another one in the draft stages in my brain only. I had a few things that I thought I wanted to write, but after getting no more than a handful of sentences in, I deleted each of the posts, twice. After the false starts, I thought I was going to be smart instead and just post something empty and quick--just some

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-53335181895843954232010-05-25T15:14:00.000-07:002010-05-25T15:14:39.942-07:00

It started innocently enough. I was sitting at the eat-in counter in my kitchen after eating breakfast, my laptop open as I was doing some last tweaks to the photos of Charley before ordering prints for Anna's requested photo album. Anna came over and saw the photos of Daddy and started chattering away about them. "Do you want just pictures of Daddy, alive, in the photo album, or do you want

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-4149936594610678752010-05-18T14:45:00.000-07:002010-05-18T14:45:57.198-07:00

...That's the sickening number I had to stomach and face last night. There are fewer than 75 pictures of Anna with Charley. Seventy-five. And that's counting the pictures where it's merely Charley's arm around his daughter's stomach--or his hand, or his knee--and it's the only visible part of him in the picture. Pictures where you can see all of Charley's and Anna's faces, where they are the

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-89381868361541938702010-05-10T12:01:00.000-07:002010-05-10T12:01:24.129-07:00

It only took four-plus years, but I finally had a nice Mother's Day. Now that's a first in grief (or actually an absence of it) that I can celebrate. Okay, technically Mother's Day two years ago was pretty nice too, since I was boarding a cruise ship with Anna, some friends, and Mickey and Minnie Mouse that morning...but I took the trip to intentionally run from Mother's Day and break the cycle

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-44037198183923716612010-05-05T03:59:00.000-07:002010-05-05T04:05:04.793-07:00

...But as of T Minus Four Days (or, in other words, that Mother's Day is only four days away)...so far it's not pissing me off. And for me, that's a miracle. Mother's Day has, for whatever reason, always been the hardest widow holiday for me all year. Not Christmas; Thanksgiving; Father's Day; Valentine's Day; Easter; or any of the other official, unofficial, and/or otherwise totally commercial

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-63474481615902466322010-05-01T09:30:00.000-07:002010-05-01T09:30:34.597-07:00

...and I still don't have anything I really feel like saying. I have stuff in my head, of course, that occasionally I think about writing on here...but frankly, I'm bored of it. So I'm working on something else instead: building my confidence in my photography. Yeah, yeah, I know I have taken some really good pictures in the past and particularly over the last year or two. I've learned a ton

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-16057585268675068742010-04-26T22:39:00.000-07:002010-04-26T22:39:27.254-07:00

I've had a few blog posts floating around in my head and even started writing one last week...but apparently I'm not really in the mood to get all introverted or somethin'. So instead I'm posting something else, just because I can and because the colors make me happy.... I made it out with my camera on a nice (kidless!) spring day last Thursday, after having a delicious lunch with Snick. Feels

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-62563852705246667852010-04-17T20:10:00.000-07:002010-04-17T20:15:50.129-07:00

You know you've seen them: the blog awards that float around occasionally from blog to blog. I got a pleasant surprise when I checked my widow friend Alicia's blog this morning, because she gave me one! Thank you so much, Alicia! I'm incredibly touched and pleased!! As a stay-at-home mom, there's precious little acknowledgment, validation, and kudos extended to you. No promotions, no

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-3719735474584635782010-04-12T01:28:00.000-07:002010-04-12T01:28:30.400-07:00

Anna and I went roller skating with her BFF last week, and as we left, I randomly grabbed a flyer  from a stack on a table. With an ironic snort, I both rolled my eyes and marveled at the kismet of the universe, because it was flyer for something quite apropos to our family. What the flyer said, in two tidbits: If you live in the Portland area, bring your little kids to Oaks Park on this

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-74501834576585090692010-04-07T12:57:00.000-07:002010-04-07T12:59:35.686-07:00

After dropping Anna off at preschool this morning, I settled in with a cup of fresh hot coffee and my laptop--the first time since Spring Break ended that I haven't crawled back in bed on preschool mornings to gain a couple more hours of much-needed sleep. And when I inevitably ended up on Facebook, I saw this blurb that Supa at Fresh Widow posted: I'd checked out the Spohrs' blog at some point

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-699745412729208422010-04-06T19:14:00.000-07:002010-04-06T19:16:01.797-07:00

Not surprisingly, once it occurred to me that I didn't have to go to church just because it was Easter, I chose not to go. And it was lovely. A nice change from previous years. Saturday we spent all afternoon and evening at my sister's house, dyeing eggs and hanging out. It felt so good to have my camera in my hands again, happily snapping away. It's one crappy part of winter around

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-3716053467477157762010-04-02T16:23:00.000-07:002010-04-06T19:16:01.800-07:00

It took a few years to realize it, but Easter has actually been one of the tougher holidays for me as a widow. Sure, Mother's Day is the all-out winner of hard holidays, Thanksgiving to a lesser degree, but it turns out the Easter is another holiday that can make this widow super grumpy. Easter the first year after Charley died was a non-issue. We'd gone to spend the Easter weekend with

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-37615292642405932632010-03-30T12:16:00.000-07:002010-04-06T19:16:33.179-07:00

As I was proofreading my post last night after it published, my eye caught on the pictures I posted in February about Valentine's Day five years ago. True, I'm a picture whore in general, but I don't know why I've been especially drawn lately to pictures from five years ago. Maybe it's because I've never really looked at the run-of-the-mill pictures from then since Charley died--instead I've

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-12874602196821377232010-03-29T18:46:00.000-07:002010-03-29T18:49:00.808-07:00

...I haven't been writing on here very much at all this month...or this year. Occasionally I have vague blog posts fluttering around in my mind, but with little burning need to get them out of me and fleshed out. Ninety percent of the time, I turn on my computer, intending to do one thing or another, maybe write a blog entry, but then I get on Facebook or check the news online or...something...

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-3290259518231744652010-03-17T09:00:00.000-07:002010-03-17T11:45:24.473-07:00

Just wanted to drop a quick post and let you know of a couple of minor things.... If you didn't notice, I made a few updates to the blog's pages: I moved the long list of blogs written by fellow widows and widowers to its own page and--taking a cue from Supa, Split-Second Single Father, and a few other more-on-top-of-it bloggers--I organized them a bit, to help new widowed readers find better

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-77530696187792741982010-03-11T14:13:00.000-08:002010-03-11T14:14:22.970-08:00

Last week at support group, the counselor who runs it mentioned an article or study she'd recently read that talked about how Facebook and other social networking sites have been helping people make amends with people from their past. I imagine some of the article was specifically about making the formal type of "amends" that are required as a part of a Twelve Step program like in Alcoholics

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-90081533783994818952010-03-07T19:53:00.000-08:002010-03-07T19:53:06.470-08:00

I know it's been a while since I've written on here. Three weeks...oops. I've had a couple of blog posts floating through my head here and there, but nothing momentous enough to bother with. Unlike other recent periods of blog silences, though, I haven't really been hiding...at least not in a grief-oriented way. I've just been busy lately with other stuff. Random appointments, a mildly sick kid

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-9914511318674052122010-02-14T08:50:00.000-08:002010-02-22T10:53:40.288-08:00

Five years ago, Valentine's Day looked like this: (That's me fiddling with her shoes, by the way. Glasses and dark brown hair...hmmm....that's been a while....) Being held by Daddy: Except these pictures weren't taken right on Valentine's Day; they're from Feb. 13, from a family dinner we had with my entire family at my parents' house. We--no, correction...make that I--spent the

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-4477164941292582942010-02-14T06:50:00.000-08:002010-02-14T08:51:45.204-08:00

(Or, an alternate, G-rated title for this post: To post, or not to post....)Most people who are on Facebook have seen the supposedly sweet, charming, lovey-dovey meme riding the status-update waves this week: To Celebrate Valentines Day, Change your Profile Picture to you and your spouse/significant other. and make sure to tell how long you've been together! Copy and Paste this to your profile.I

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-4779689579384752462010-02-02T23:09:00.000-08:002010-02-03T01:21:22.696-08:00

It's been 3 weeks since I've written on here, and I have a confession: I've been hiding.Like I always have done in grief, when the shit starts hitting the fan, I disappear. I retract, I hide, I isolate. I put on a really good game face when I'm around people, and they have no idea what's been ravaging through me in the times I'm not around people.On the one hand, it started out as a coping

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-85616712230764297482010-01-12T13:26:00.000-08:002010-01-12T13:28:30.437-08:00

As a single parent, widowed for 4 1/2 years, I'm used to taking care of things in the normal course of a day. Now that it's been long enough and the grief is mostly absent on average days and weeks, I never really think about what life, parenting should have, would have been like had Charley not died. Single parenting is my norm. But every now and then, single parenting is a real pain in the ass.

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-58443904793356960822010-01-07T11:07:00.000-08:002010-01-07T13:11:37.270-08:00

For a few months now, Anna has been obsessed with wanting to know how everything is spelled. Except I can't just spell the word after she asks. I have to sound out each letter and wait to let her supply the correct name for the letter, and then we move on to the next word, the next question. Endlessly.It's a fixation that both drives me batty and makes me terribly proud. I'm so proud of the

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-74146635513112682722010-01-07T11:01:00.000-08:002010-01-07T14:38:53.509-08:00

I logged onto Flickr just now, and a slew of private photos greeted me on my top photostream page.When I wrote my post a week ago about seeing "new" old professional portraits of Anna, I went ahead and uploaded all the pictures I had, from all three of the portrait sittings that I have, and set them all to private, so only I could see them. Mostly I did it for backup and laziness, uploading all

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-76196464798756274892009-12-31T14:31:00.000-08:002009-12-31T14:43:16.342-08:00

I know it's making its way through the widow blogwaves too--Jackie, Andrea--but I also find myself this week in a bit of a post-Christmas slump. I was riding the relief-in-the-immediate-aftermath wave the first day after Christmas--happy to be at home, doing nothing, getting to relax for a change this month--but it didn't take long until the expected low after the holiday hit. The next day,

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-7855109301880440312009-12-30T21:45:00.000-08:002009-12-30T23:31:05.357-08:00

I got a call last week from a portrait studio here in Portland, who did some of Anna's portrait sittings a few years ago. They're cleaning out their old archives and are offering CDs of old sittings for sale. I'd already bought the CD from a sitting four years ago--our first "family" photos after Charley died, for Christmas 2005--earlier this year, and being the picture whore that I am (and

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-7100868767496806222009-12-28T18:07:00.000-08:002009-12-28T18:07:22.471-08:00

It's a huge relief this week that the month is almost over. Christmas ended, and the next day I was almost giddy that we could have a normal week for a change. Nothing to do, nowhere we have to be, a whole week to take it easy. We had a nice Christmas. Went to church with my parents and middle sister on Christmas Eve (but had to listen to a horrible sermon; whatever happened to a traditional

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-3048865857509091112009-12-16T10:44:00.000-08:002011-12-06T22:28:04.698-08:00

One of the curses of living in Portland is proximity to Mt. Hood. Many of you on the other sides of the U.S. (or the globe) may not have to hear the nonstop media blitz that's gripping Portland this week, but there are currently two climbers missing on Mt. Hood. Missing since last Friday, one of their party was already found dead earlier this week, and as the snow continues to dump in the

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-67467436619965955262009-12-12T19:20:00.000-08:002011-12-06T22:28:04.700-08:00

I know, I know. It's been almost 3 weeks since I last wrote anything on here. The cyberspace silence is due partly to being busy, busy, busy these past three weeks. For instance, in just 24 hours last weekend alone, we attended a birthday party for Charley's wonderful aunt......Anna channeled her inner reindeer... ...and we attended my niece's fairy tea party for her seventh birthday....But

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-3723764496223210592009-11-24T12:00:00.000-08:002009-11-24T12:00:00.115-08:00

I first wrote this post last week as a guest blogger for Widow's Voice. In case you didn't read it there (and since it's not highly likely I'll write something else about Thanksgiving in time for the holiday), I'm reposting it here.------------------------------------------As any of us widows and widowers know, one of the most trying times of the Annual Widowed Calendar is upon us. It’s

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-73170380963256631222009-11-24T03:07:00.000-08:002009-11-24T03:39:19.312-08:00

As I found myself awake again tonight in the middle of the night, I had an urge to write on here. But when my meandering thoughts turned into a hugely girnormous post, I got smart and split them up into shorter individual posts.Here they are, in the order in which I wrote them (regardless of the time stamp on each post):Tidbit 1: InsomniaTidbit 2: The Vacuum of Eight MonthsTidbit 3: The

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-44670696051562935682009-11-24T03:06:00.000-08:002009-11-24T03:55:45.659-08:00

(Read the intro to this short series of posts here, if you'd like.)I need to be awake right now, at 1:22 AM, like I need another hole in my head. I have way too much stuff to be done in the next 12-16 hours and a 4.5-hour drive to Charley's parents' house for Thanksgiving ahead of me to be awake in the middle of the night right now. But as always seems to be happening with me--particularly lately

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-88368412618113157322009-11-24T03:05:00.000-08:002009-11-24T04:01:18.073-08:00

(Read the intro to this short series of posts here, if you'd like.)I realized with horror a few days ago that I've been living in my new house almost eight months now. It feels like it should only be about four. How fast time flies by--yet how slowly anything changes--frightens me when I have such a potent reminder of how much or how little I've managed to accomplish progress grow heal change

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-49955011148150429892009-11-24T03:04:00.000-08:002009-11-24T03:56:11.795-08:00

(Read the intro to this short series of posts here, if you'd like.)Thanksgiving is in two days. Yikes. And my wedding anniversary is in less than two weeks (again) and as of right now I have no plan, no idea, what I'll do to manage it. Ick. Which also means that Charley's birthday--what should have been his [quick count to do the math] 33rd--is coming up a short two weeks later. And then it's

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-52822658542505530002009-11-16T09:33:00.001-08:002009-11-24T03:40:07.630-08:00

I'm a guest blogger today on Widow's Voice. Check it out!http://widowsvoice-sslf.blogspot.com/2009/11/when-there-are-no-thanks-to-be-given.htmlIf you've never checked out the widows' and widowers' blog for the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation, you should! A group blog written by seven different widows and widowers, there's a new post each day and a variety of perspectives in them.Enjoy!

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-21236418816283137202009-11-15T04:59:00.000-08:002009-11-15T06:41:04.303-08:00

In less than 12 hours, I'll be sitting in a place I've been before. Four years ago exactly, actually (give or take a day). I've been here. I've sat at this table, been in this same restaurant, sat alone and aching in a room full of people, surrounded by my siblings and parents (no kids for once), as all I could think was how wrong, how cruel it was that you were not there. I sat, hollow, a vacant

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-70859446283116705502009-11-10T12:00:00.001-08:002009-11-10T12:33:27.190-08:00

...because I could quite cheerfully strangle him...a tiny little bit.(And yes, very black widow humor intended. I obviously wish he were anything but dead.)When Charley and I first moved in together, we sat down and talked about who'd get which household duty. In general we planned we'd both do everything and not worry over "his" and "hers," but a few things fell squarely into Charley's bucket:

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-58573326581038782652009-11-10T09:27:00.000-08:002009-11-10T13:22:00.985-08:00

I originally started this post three weeks ago, on the morning of Wed., Oct. 21...later in the day after writing my A bit of a down yo post. But I ran out of time to finish writing it before I had to go pick up Anna from preschool that morning, and I never got back to finishing it. So my apologies that it's 3 weeks late and that it's a little hard to follow; I finished writing a bit of it today,

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-21514945939412951592009-11-03T13:06:00.000-08:002010-05-18T14:52:04.895-07:00

Anna had a playdate with a new little friend from preschool this morning. An exuberant, social, outgoing little girl, E is a good counterpoint to my initially shy, quiet, observational child, and it's been fun watching the two of them interact as the parents line up to pick up kids after preschool. Anna's been begging for a playdate with E, and finally, this morning, she got to have one.I chat

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-66727529551290653932009-10-27T17:28:00.000-07:002009-10-27T18:11:41.958-07:00

I had a surprise for Anna on Sunday: two tickets for us to go see the latest Disney on Ice show, as it hit our local pro-sports arena.She's never been to a show like that before, loves Disney stuff, and has been asking to go ice skating for almost two years, after a planned ice-skating playdate before Christmas two years ago got cancelled because of illness. I thought it would be something fun

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-90780473775590270952009-10-21T06:42:00.000-07:002009-10-21T06:42:18.120-07:00

Rachael over at Life with Hannah and Lily often describes her bouts of bad days as a "down yo" or her good as an "up yo." Her older daughter, Hannah, drowned about two years ago, when she was five years old, and Rachel has used a yo-yo analogy to describe how her grief (and good or bad days) ebbs and flows. For myself, a roller coaster has always been a better, more appealing analogy for

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-21055323947059432512009-10-16T10:54:00.000-07:002010-05-18T14:52:42.387-07:00

Our household is scheduled to go into a bit of an upheaval next week. I'm remodeling my horrid, awful, despicable kitchen, and demolition is supposed to start next Monday or Tuesday...which means that I need to spend this weekend frantically cleaning up and organizing my garage so I have someplace to store my kitchen, dining room, and office stuff for the next month or so and then I need to pack

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-15834416512920646632009-10-16T09:49:00.001-07:002009-10-16T09:59:10.280-07:00

Courtesy of a family consultation held on Facebook earlier this week, the jury has weighed in:Charley probably could roll his tongue.His sister, mom, and dad all can. His uncle, many of his cousins, can. So it definitely runs on his dad's side of the family (no weigh-in from Judy's side of the family). His sister is pretty sure Charley could do it, although she couldn't remember a definitive time

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-34556762222240314782009-10-13T15:55:00.000-07:002009-10-13T16:03:59.976-07:00

I can't curl my tongue. No one in my family can. Charley couldn't do it either...or at least not from what I can remember.And unless I'm misremembering my freshman biology lessons from high school (college bio didn't bother to cover anything quite so entertaining) or unless genetics has discovered that the ability to curl one's tongue isn't quite as black-or-white as I was told in 1991, Anna

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-67733153764590800282009-10-12T09:45:00.000-07:002009-10-13T21:50:16.405-07:00

Last week I was invited to a special screening of a new widower movie, The Boys Are Back with Clive Owen.And I've been trying to decide what I think of the movie over the last three days...and my internal widow jury is still out.The story of a man, Joe (played by Clive Owen), who is forced into single fatherhood when his wife of seven-odd years dies of cancer, the movie follows Joe, his

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-37158837937380475262009-10-09T23:06:00.000-07:002009-10-09T23:40:53.437-07:00

Despite all that I wrote this morning, the day got much better. Tonight was wonderful. Charley's parents are in town for the weekend and Judy (and Charley's sister) made me a wonderful manicotti dinner, complete with a delectable, to-die-for homemade chocolate tart. We had dinner and spent the evening at Charley's sister's house, and I was happy to feel the smile on my face and heart as I left an

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-69675971568398964682009-10-09T11:16:00.000-07:002009-10-09T11:21:04.631-07:00

I don't really know why, but for some reason this year, my birthday has been an unexpected grief trigger. Definitely a first for me, for these last four years.Most years (or clarification: most years since Charley died) I'm indifferent about my birthday. It's fine, it's no big deal...just another day. Some years I made special plans--like last year when I had a fabulous girls' night out with

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-50138874148672160082009-10-08T11:52:00.000-07:002009-10-08T12:48:58.544-07:00

Photos can be a weird thing for widows and widowers. For some people, they can be a great comfort; others, a difficult trigger of grief, from seeing their dead loved one alive and present in a photograph when they're now so permanently gone. "New" photos--ones we haven't seen before, regardless of how recent or old they really are--can be especially dicey. My own photos of Charley--the ones I

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3534654661092616575.post-51609194657840624142009-10-06T22:15:00.000-07:002009-10-06T23:25:27.057-07:00

* Assuming the new name sticks and Anna doesn't want to change it....Or, in other words, we got a new cat. Originally named Dottie--and renamed Rosie by Anna--she's an approximately 8-year-old girl kitty we adopted from the Oregon Humane Society this afternoon. (When I asked Anna what she'd like to name the kitty, her first suggestion was Rose, which sounded a little odd to me for a cat; I

Crash Course Widowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11637366044613952294noreply@blogger.com5