Over the years, though, I have managed to find a number of grief books--both self-help and memoirs--that helped immensely...and a number that were so awful I wanted to rip them to shreds.
I've mentioned several of the grief books that I've read in various blog posts, but see below for a comprehensive, more unified list.
But take it for what it is: the personal tastes and preferences of one solitary widow.
Note: See my Grief Books shelf on Goodreads for a complete listing of the various grief- or death-related fiction and nonfiction books I've read and rated or reviewed since being widowed. (If you don't know what Goodreads is, it's a fabulous web site where you can compare what you're reading with your friends and people all over the world. I highly recommend it for all Internetphile book lovers!)
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My all-time favorite grief and/or widowhood books
The best of the best (5 [or almost 5] out of 5 stars)
- Love You, Mean It, by Patricia Carrington, Julia Collins, Claudia Gerbasi, and Ann Haynes: A memoir written by four 9/11 widows, it chronicles the friendship, support, and healing that these four women achieve together. One of the most useful aspects of this book is its focus on the longer-term impact of grief.
- Transcending Loss, by Ashley Davis Prend: A self-help book that focuses on the lifelong impact of grief and how to make it meaningful. Not specific to widowhood.
- Seven Choices: Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World, by Elizabeth Harper Neeld: A self-help book that offers an alternative to the traditional "stages of grief," it also looks at both short-term and longer-term responses to loss and the various paths through healing. Not specific to widowhood.
Other good ones (Highly recommended, 4 out of 5 stars)
- The Alchemy of Loss, by Abigail Carter: A memoir written by a young 9/11 widow, it covers both the first year of grief and up through four years (or so) after 9/11. (See my detailed review here.) Best of all, Abby's even better in person than in her book; you can find her blog here.
- Planet Widow: A Mother's Story of Navigating a Suddenly Unrecognizable World, by Gloria Lenhart: Another memoir of one woman's experience of sudden young widowhood. Most useful in the first year after the death; not really for longer-term grief support.
- I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Death of a Loved One, by Brook Noel and Pamela Blair: An informative self-help book intended for dealing with sudden death. Covers different types of losses--friends, siblings, parents, etc.--and not just widowhood. Most useful in the earliest weeks and months after the death; not really for longer-term grief support.
- I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Can Cope and Heal, by Linda Feinberg: As the title says, one of the few informative self-help titles directed toward young widows and widowers. Most useful in the earliest weeks and months after the death; not really for longer-term grief support. (I did, however, have some complaints about this book even when I first read it, but it was still far better than other titles that were available.)
Good or decent books, but not great (Recommend, 3 or barely 4 out of 5 stars)
See my Grief Books shelf on Goodreads for links to my reviews.
- Life After Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life After Experiencing Major Loss, by Bob Deits
- When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold S. Kushner
- Chasing Daylight: How My Forthcoming Death Transformed My Life, by Gene O'Kelly
- A Widow's Walk: A Memoir of 9/11, by Marian Fontana
- The Long Goodbye, by Carole A. Jones
Okay books (Not highly recommended, but other people might value them; 2 out of 5 stars)
See my Grief Books shelf on Goodreads for links to my reviews.- On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss, by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
- The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion
- Widow To Widow: Thoughtful, Practical Ideas for Rebuilding Your Life, by Genevieve Davis Ginsburg
- Getting to the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse, by Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge and Robert C. De Vries
Not recommended books (1 out of 5 stars)
Is it too strong to say I hated some of these? See my Grief Books shelf on Goodreads for links to my reviews.
- Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies, by Marta Felber
- The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change, by Melody Beattie
- And several others that were so awful I immediately got rid of the book, never even to get logged onto my shelf on Goodreads....